It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted my last article. I think that’s the product of a couple of different things. Number one, I was just out of juice if you don’t mind. A person does need to just fall off the treadmill once in a while. And number two, so many potential topics have been launched out there in Obamaland, I don’t know where to insert myself. I feel a little like Wile E. Coyote after his most recent tangle with the Roadrunner, birdies a-tweet in an orbit around his trauma-proof noggin. But like Mr. Coyote, it will take more than a crushing blow to the head with an anvil to keep me down.
A couple of weeks back, what started for me as a rumination on the AIG Bonus debacle got abandoned for the GM/Chrysler debacle which ran into the 2010 Budget soon-to-be-debacle. Then Tim Geithner limped out from his bunker, Michelle Obama skipped through Buckingham with the Queen and those wacky jokesters from North Korea had a little fun with a missile.
I will be the first to admit that there is just too much material here for this humble scribe to properly analyze and comed-i-fy (joke-i-fy? snark-i-fy?). So I’m going to take the lazy way out and just throw out my best pitch for the best and worst developments in the news, according to me, of course.
Worst Attempt to Feign Outrage and Surprise: Congress was shocked, absolutely SHOCKED to learn that retention bonuses would be paid to AIG executives within the same Financial Products division that many credit for igniting the financial crisis. Did they approve the bonuses last fall—YES! Even changing the wording at the urging of the Administration to make sure they would be paid out—YES! Please Chuck Schumer, give it a rest all ready. The Academy Awards are still about a year away. Coming soon: more Oscar-worthy performances as Congress gasps and wails in disbelief to learn that Social Security has run dry. Finger-pointing and indignant speechifying ensue.
Best Power Grab: Barack Obama kicking GM CEO Rick Waggoner to the curb. The poor guy could only wave a hanky as he watched the Prez zoom off in a cloud of exhaust and chutzpah. Wall Street just LOVED watching that little curbside dust-up. The market had a good cry, waxing nostalgic about the good old days when businesses were part of the private sector and “subject matter experts” called the shots. Not to worry though. I’m confident that this is an isolated incident—surely we won’t see more Big Government playing Big Brother in the private sector…right?
Biggest Waste of Time and Ink: The Republican Budget alternative. With great fanfare and press coverage, the Republican leadership on Capitol Hill came forth with their answer to the debt-soaked budget proposal from President Obama. Except the Republicans used their time in the spotlight to hand out a brochure that basically said “Stay tuned…”. By the time they brought out the real goods a week later, no one gave a rip, and more to the point—why bother? I’m sure Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are now using the Republican recommendations as toilet paper.
Best Show of Tenacity: You have to give some props to Tim Geithner. The day he announced his plan to help the banks climb out of their toxic stupor was a banner day for Wall Street. And Geithner needed a big win. But I still wonder whether he’s got the stamina for the long haul. I’m no body language expert, but have you ever noticed how he talks? Head angled slightly down and forward, eyes peering up under his brow toward his audience—the way a guilty child might look up at his mother after supergluing his baby brother to the refrigerator? His is not the face of certainty. I want a bold visionary with steely-eyed confidence! Someone who’s a mix of Oprah and Warren Buffet with a dash of Putin—now we’re talking!
Most Overblown Accolades: The Obamas recent overseas visit anchored by the G-20 summit was a huge success. As predicted, Michelle Obama stole the show and generated more excitement with her outfits than with anything she actually did or said. Now I ask you—was she really that spectacular? Believe me, I love her fashion sense—the way she mixes color and pattern are right up my alley. But I think the press acted like the “Koo Koo for Cocoa Puffs” bird in their coverage. I really didn’t see anything so stunning, and there were certain outfits that I thought were downright unflattering! And please, make it official all ready and plaster the J. Crew logo on Air Force One. Come to think of it, offering sponsorships like this could certainly open up a whole new revenue stream. After all, somebody’s got to pay for the G-20’s 500-person entourage and $40MM price tag.
Worst Excuse for Firing a Rocket: North Korea was clearly looking to test its ability to launch a long range ballistic weapon. But they sure cleared up that misconception when they explained they were absolutely NOT doing anything of the kind (WINK!). They were simply launching a satellite (WINK!) and the world should just keep its panties on (WINK!) I’m sure they are now scratching their heads wondering what happened to that rascally satellite since all three stages of the rocket detached and fell harmlessly to earth, minus any distinguishable satellite. Nonetheless, the stunt stole Obama’s European spotlight and you could almost hear crazy old Kim Jong Il screaming, “I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!” Stay tuned as they launch their next missile carrying a payload of Girl Scout cookies.
Whew! Felt good to get all that bottled-up dart-throwing off my chest. But now, even as I post this, I feel a swirl of new material coming at me like a fast ball on opening day. Time to climb out of my stupor and get back in the game. With so many balls in the air, I don’t want to miss a single play.
A couple of weeks back, what started for me as a rumination on the AIG Bonus debacle got abandoned for the GM/Chrysler debacle which ran into the 2010 Budget soon-to-be-debacle. Then Tim Geithner limped out from his bunker, Michelle Obama skipped through Buckingham with the Queen and those wacky jokesters from North Korea had a little fun with a missile.
I will be the first to admit that there is just too much material here for this humble scribe to properly analyze and comed-i-fy (joke-i-fy? snark-i-fy?). So I’m going to take the lazy way out and just throw out my best pitch for the best and worst developments in the news, according to me, of course.
Worst Attempt to Feign Outrage and Surprise: Congress was shocked, absolutely SHOCKED to learn that retention bonuses would be paid to AIG executives within the same Financial Products division that many credit for igniting the financial crisis. Did they approve the bonuses last fall—YES! Even changing the wording at the urging of the Administration to make sure they would be paid out—YES! Please Chuck Schumer, give it a rest all ready. The Academy Awards are still about a year away. Coming soon: more Oscar-worthy performances as Congress gasps and wails in disbelief to learn that Social Security has run dry. Finger-pointing and indignant speechifying ensue.
Best Power Grab: Barack Obama kicking GM CEO Rick Waggoner to the curb. The poor guy could only wave a hanky as he watched the Prez zoom off in a cloud of exhaust and chutzpah. Wall Street just LOVED watching that little curbside dust-up. The market had a good cry, waxing nostalgic about the good old days when businesses were part of the private sector and “subject matter experts” called the shots. Not to worry though. I’m confident that this is an isolated incident—surely we won’t see more Big Government playing Big Brother in the private sector…right?
Biggest Waste of Time and Ink: The Republican Budget alternative. With great fanfare and press coverage, the Republican leadership on Capitol Hill came forth with their answer to the debt-soaked budget proposal from President Obama. Except the Republicans used their time in the spotlight to hand out a brochure that basically said “Stay tuned…”. By the time they brought out the real goods a week later, no one gave a rip, and more to the point—why bother? I’m sure Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are now using the Republican recommendations as toilet paper.
Best Show of Tenacity: You have to give some props to Tim Geithner. The day he announced his plan to help the banks climb out of their toxic stupor was a banner day for Wall Street. And Geithner needed a big win. But I still wonder whether he’s got the stamina for the long haul. I’m no body language expert, but have you ever noticed how he talks? Head angled slightly down and forward, eyes peering up under his brow toward his audience—the way a guilty child might look up at his mother after supergluing his baby brother to the refrigerator? His is not the face of certainty. I want a bold visionary with steely-eyed confidence! Someone who’s a mix of Oprah and Warren Buffet with a dash of Putin—now we’re talking!
Most Overblown Accolades: The Obamas recent overseas visit anchored by the G-20 summit was a huge success. As predicted, Michelle Obama stole the show and generated more excitement with her outfits than with anything she actually did or said. Now I ask you—was she really that spectacular? Believe me, I love her fashion sense—the way she mixes color and pattern are right up my alley. But I think the press acted like the “Koo Koo for Cocoa Puffs” bird in their coverage. I really didn’t see anything so stunning, and there were certain outfits that I thought were downright unflattering! And please, make it official all ready and plaster the J. Crew logo on Air Force One. Come to think of it, offering sponsorships like this could certainly open up a whole new revenue stream. After all, somebody’s got to pay for the G-20’s 500-person entourage and $40MM price tag.
Worst Excuse for Firing a Rocket: North Korea was clearly looking to test its ability to launch a long range ballistic weapon. But they sure cleared up that misconception when they explained they were absolutely NOT doing anything of the kind (WINK!). They were simply launching a satellite (WINK!) and the world should just keep its panties on (WINK!) I’m sure they are now scratching their heads wondering what happened to that rascally satellite since all three stages of the rocket detached and fell harmlessly to earth, minus any distinguishable satellite. Nonetheless, the stunt stole Obama’s European spotlight and you could almost hear crazy old Kim Jong Il screaming, “I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!” Stay tuned as they launch their next missile carrying a payload of Girl Scout cookies.
Whew! Felt good to get all that bottled-up dart-throwing off my chest. But now, even as I post this, I feel a swirl of new material coming at me like a fast ball on opening day. Time to climb out of my stupor and get back in the game. With so many balls in the air, I don’t want to miss a single play.
That Koo Koo of Cocoa Puffs reference could not be more clever or more spot-on!!
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