I came upon a scene in my house the other day that gave me pause. My 5th grade daughter had two friends over after school. At some point as I walked by the living room, I saw the three girls sitting there facing each other, but they were not talking. They were looking down at their cell phones, thumbs busily hunting and pecking at the keys. I thought, oh geez, here it comes. The day I’ve been expecting. They’re sending little notes to the boys, giggling an oogling. A rite of passage that marks the onset of the teen years. So I walked in the room and peeked over my daughter’s shoulder. And do you know what I saw? She was texting her two friends. The ones that were sitting arm’s length away. And they were doing the same!
I shooed them away and told them to go actually PLAY somewhere. They got up and I went on about my chores. A few minutes later as I turned the corner to descend the basement stairs, there was the little trio, sitting clustered together on the risers, heads almost touching, STILL TEXTING EACH OTHER!
This incident got me thinking on a larger scale about this generation of kids that has significantly retreated from human contact—what type of communicators will they be when they hit the business world? With the advent of texting, Facebook, IM-ing and the rest of electronic communication, will we even need telephones? Hell, will we even need voice boxes?
Indulge me, please, as I take a trip down memory lane to the good old days when I was a kid. First of all, calling your friends meant waiting for your sister to shut her piehole and get off the phone (which was green, had a rotary dial and was mounted to the wall) so that you could make a call. Actually dialing the number took some time with those rotary dials, and pack a lunch if your friend’s number had a lot of zeroes.
Once the call was made, you may or may not have gotten a “busy signal” when you called your friend. If the line was busy, well, shucks—you just had to call back a few minutes later. If you got through and your friend was not home, you might have to leave a name and number with an adult person, often using phrases like, “Please tell Susan I called,” and “Thanks Mr. Peters,” as you hung up.
In college, same thing. No cell phones, no email. And no caller ID. You could stalk that dude you met at the kegger last night by calling him and hanging up when he answered as many times as you wanted! Good times…
But in general, I had pretty good phone etiquette instilled in me by my parents. This behavior prepared me for the business world. When I got my first job, whenever I was in the office, I would answer the phone. There was no call screening, no voicemail. Every time you picked up the receiver, you rolled the dice. It might be a hot prospect or it could be your mom, but you took all comers.
Little by little this direct contact with the outside world started to break down. First we got voicemail at the office and answering machines at home. Then I remember in the late 80’s early 90’s, the advent of email, though it was rudimentary at best. But that was the beginning of the slow, insidious march from human to electronic handshake.
Flash forward to today. Because I spend a lot of time doing recruiting, I am probably more likely to actually talk to people on the phone than a lot of professions. But there are definitely days when I can get almost everything I need done via email. I am ashamed to say, that I don’t mind that too much sometimes. It just makes it easier to get to the point without all the niceties and human kindness. Hey, I’m usually in a hurry…isn’t everyone?
So I’m copping to buying into the non-human/human interaction hybrid that now dominates our business and personal relationships. I have told my dear geographically dispersed college friends that it’s a good thing email came along or I’d probably have ditched them long ago. But I have to say that the kids who will be running the show in the near future have taken this to a whole new level.
Like my 5th grade daughter and her friends, kids barely talk to each other anymore. But the electronic communication is almost constant and there do not seem to be any boundaries. During school, during dinner, while they’re in bed or at church—how much could they possibly have to say?
A lot of this texting-type behavior is pretty much time wasted. Prime examples are my two teenage daughters. Their ability to stretch what would have been a 30 second phone call into a 30 minute texting session is a case study in inefficiency.
Here’s a transcript of just such a texting session:
Daughter: Whr r u? i hv gtg 2 th mall
(10 minutes passes)
Friend: B thr in 15…sry 2 b late
Daughter: OMG cud hv got ride w/Kev u b!
I know there are several disturbing elements to this encounter, not least of which is that none of our kids will be able to compose a formal letter, much less spell half the words. And I am certainly concerned with the fact that my daughter could have easily resolved this issue, figured out that her friend was going to be late and gotten a ride with Kev in about 15 seconds of actually speaking, person to person.
When I suggest to my daughters that they might get quicker response if they actually call rather than text in certain situations, they look at me like I’m wearing a hoop skirt and a corset. Which leads me to believe that our kids are actively avoiding talking to each other. That sounds bad to me.
The same is true for the computer. I have seen my daughter spend 30 minutes composing a message on Facebook, trying to resolve some ridiculous he said/she said dispute that could have been much more effectively solved in person. Not only that, there is now a cyber-record of her ridiculous rantings that can easily be passed around and will likely come back to haunt her and all the people she threw under the bus.
So when we put our future in the hands of this generation, what can we expect? I’m guessing normal workdays are out the window—our kids are used to having instant results and communication 24/7. I’m also wondering how efficient they’ll be. The good news is technology will help them compensate and they are certainly not afraid to embrace it.
But will they have the ability to understand social nuances? Know when to don the velvet glove versus when to go in for the kill? I’m wondering if they will have the patience to stick with something, get to the bottom of it and see it through. Or is their need for instant gratification undermining their ability to think long term and big picture?
The greatest deficit of all is the ability to resolve conflicts. To have to look someone in the eye, settle a dispute, give an apology. I am picturing my daughter in the professional world, sitting across a desk from a colleague. And when the conversation gets tough, will she look down at her Blackberry and fire off a text to express her dissent?
I feel like I may have let this communication issue get away from me in my house. But it’s pretty hard to unring a bell, especially if the bell is ringing away in everyone else’s house too. So I will plant my stake in the ground and demand a higher standard for my own interactions with my kids. Step away from the electronics and go low-tech with me for a while…at least until your cell is done charging.
I shooed them away and told them to go actually PLAY somewhere. They got up and I went on about my chores. A few minutes later as I turned the corner to descend the basement stairs, there was the little trio, sitting clustered together on the risers, heads almost touching, STILL TEXTING EACH OTHER!
This incident got me thinking on a larger scale about this generation of kids that has significantly retreated from human contact—what type of communicators will they be when they hit the business world? With the advent of texting, Facebook, IM-ing and the rest of electronic communication, will we even need telephones? Hell, will we even need voice boxes?
Indulge me, please, as I take a trip down memory lane to the good old days when I was a kid. First of all, calling your friends meant waiting for your sister to shut her piehole and get off the phone (which was green, had a rotary dial and was mounted to the wall) so that you could make a call. Actually dialing the number took some time with those rotary dials, and pack a lunch if your friend’s number had a lot of zeroes.
Once the call was made, you may or may not have gotten a “busy signal” when you called your friend. If the line was busy, well, shucks—you just had to call back a few minutes later. If you got through and your friend was not home, you might have to leave a name and number with an adult person, often using phrases like, “Please tell Susan I called,” and “Thanks Mr. Peters,” as you hung up.
In college, same thing. No cell phones, no email. And no caller ID. You could stalk that dude you met at the kegger last night by calling him and hanging up when he answered as many times as you wanted! Good times…
But in general, I had pretty good phone etiquette instilled in me by my parents. This behavior prepared me for the business world. When I got my first job, whenever I was in the office, I would answer the phone. There was no call screening, no voicemail. Every time you picked up the receiver, you rolled the dice. It might be a hot prospect or it could be your mom, but you took all comers.
Little by little this direct contact with the outside world started to break down. First we got voicemail at the office and answering machines at home. Then I remember in the late 80’s early 90’s, the advent of email, though it was rudimentary at best. But that was the beginning of the slow, insidious march from human to electronic handshake.
Flash forward to today. Because I spend a lot of time doing recruiting, I am probably more likely to actually talk to people on the phone than a lot of professions. But there are definitely days when I can get almost everything I need done via email. I am ashamed to say, that I don’t mind that too much sometimes. It just makes it easier to get to the point without all the niceties and human kindness. Hey, I’m usually in a hurry…isn’t everyone?
So I’m copping to buying into the non-human/human interaction hybrid that now dominates our business and personal relationships. I have told my dear geographically dispersed college friends that it’s a good thing email came along or I’d probably have ditched them long ago. But I have to say that the kids who will be running the show in the near future have taken this to a whole new level.
Like my 5th grade daughter and her friends, kids barely talk to each other anymore. But the electronic communication is almost constant and there do not seem to be any boundaries. During school, during dinner, while they’re in bed or at church—how much could they possibly have to say?
A lot of this texting-type behavior is pretty much time wasted. Prime examples are my two teenage daughters. Their ability to stretch what would have been a 30 second phone call into a 30 minute texting session is a case study in inefficiency.
Here’s a transcript of just such a texting session:
Daughter: Whr r u? i hv gtg 2 th mall
(10 minutes passes)
Friend: B thr in 15…sry 2 b late
Daughter: OMG cud hv got ride w/Kev u b!
I know there are several disturbing elements to this encounter, not least of which is that none of our kids will be able to compose a formal letter, much less spell half the words. And I am certainly concerned with the fact that my daughter could have easily resolved this issue, figured out that her friend was going to be late and gotten a ride with Kev in about 15 seconds of actually speaking, person to person.
When I suggest to my daughters that they might get quicker response if they actually call rather than text in certain situations, they look at me like I’m wearing a hoop skirt and a corset. Which leads me to believe that our kids are actively avoiding talking to each other. That sounds bad to me.
The same is true for the computer. I have seen my daughter spend 30 minutes composing a message on Facebook, trying to resolve some ridiculous he said/she said dispute that could have been much more effectively solved in person. Not only that, there is now a cyber-record of her ridiculous rantings that can easily be passed around and will likely come back to haunt her and all the people she threw under the bus.
So when we put our future in the hands of this generation, what can we expect? I’m guessing normal workdays are out the window—our kids are used to having instant results and communication 24/7. I’m also wondering how efficient they’ll be. The good news is technology will help them compensate and they are certainly not afraid to embrace it.
But will they have the ability to understand social nuances? Know when to don the velvet glove versus when to go in for the kill? I’m wondering if they will have the patience to stick with something, get to the bottom of it and see it through. Or is their need for instant gratification undermining their ability to think long term and big picture?
The greatest deficit of all is the ability to resolve conflicts. To have to look someone in the eye, settle a dispute, give an apology. I am picturing my daughter in the professional world, sitting across a desk from a colleague. And when the conversation gets tough, will she look down at her Blackberry and fire off a text to express her dissent?
I feel like I may have let this communication issue get away from me in my house. But it’s pretty hard to unring a bell, especially if the bell is ringing away in everyone else’s house too. So I will plant my stake in the ground and demand a higher standard for my own interactions with my kids. Step away from the electronics and go low-tech with me for a while…at least until your cell is done charging.
Haven't bought into texting yet at our house and of course, we are the "only one's at school who can't text." I'm with you on the whole spelling thing----will they even be able to construct a 5 paragraph essay for college entrance applications? We teach keyboarding at our school, but haven't seen much of anything come home in the way of cursive writing yet. Will James even be able to "sign" his name on his mortgage loan some day?
ReplyDeleteSigh...are we all ready turning into geezers?
ReplyDeleteDid you see the Newsweek article last week calling for an end to teaching penmanship? Very interesting. Grammar and spelling will be next...5th graders have cells back East? Not til 7th or 8th at our school. At least I can be thankful for that!
ReplyDeleteI live in a town where kids walk everywhere all the time--there are no buses. It's really helpful to give your a kid a phone for security reasons and so you know where the heck they are!
ReplyDelete