In 1989, Steven Covey published a book called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The book and the franchise it spawned have been wildly successful for Mr. Covey. This article is about the opposite of that. In fact, it it’s okay with Steven Covey, I may have to follow up with a book titled, The Unlimited Number of Ineffective Habits of Highly Stressful People. I literally have so much material here that, like Mr. Covey, I could start a “Habits” franchise and just completely sell out. (Oh, to get to the point where I could unceremoniously “sell” something “out”!)
In fairness to the people that I am about to throw under the bus, I think one would be hard pressed to find a person on this planet that did not have one or more annoying habits. But it is the rare gem of a human that will actually listen to the objections being raised (in some cases, multiple times over the course of many years for the same friggin’ infraction) and change his/her behavior in response.
Let’s take my husband, for instance. Early in our marriage, I noticed that he did something unusual and irritating when he brushed his teeth. He would turn on the water, let it run throughout the brushing session (ahhh, the good old days when you could just let the water run), and then at the penultimate moment, just as he was about to spit, he would turn the water off. From the next room, I heard the spitting and then silence. No water rushing in to carry away the used toothpaste, food bits and saliva. At first I said nothing, but eventually, I had to make a comment. And the most incredulous thing about it was he really didn’t get it! He couldn’t look down at the sink loaded with the dried leavings of multiple brushings and understand the gravity of the situation!
Flash forward 20 years. We are still married—I know, you’re wondering how I lived with this monster—and here is the concession that my husband has ONLY RECENTLY has made to my 20-year old teeth-brushing gripe: he brushes, keeps the water running, turns the water off, spits, then BRIEFLY turns the water back on so it rinses away maybe half of his discharge. Now, I ask you, is that logical? JUST LEAVE THE DAMN WATER ON TIL AFTER YOU SPIT!
Here’s another one. We share a dresser in our bedroom. On the occasions that my husband takes out a pair of socks or a t-shirt from one of the drawers, he can’t seem to close the drawer all the way. Like his muscles had just enough energy to slide the drawer in, but ran out of gas ½ inch from paydirt. I half expect to see him collapsed on the bed holding a t-shirt in one had, a pair of gym socks in the other declaring, “Wow—that really knocked the wind out of my sails!” So I mentioned this to him a few months ago. And again at Christmas. And once more last week. Really, is drawer closing too much to ask?
I could go on, but let me trash my children for a minute. Of the three, two are such egregious offenders that their bad habits are too numerous to recount. But they are teenagers, so I am willing to write off these years. I'm pretty sure that when I ask them for the bazillionth time to stop leaving clothes on the floor, to start their homework before midnight, to use a bath towel more than once, that I make the sound effect that comes out of the mouth of any adult who speaks in a Peanuts cartoon. Short of running through the halls of their high school in my bra and undies, the chances of getting them to pay attention to me are pretty slim. My 5th grader still yields to my dictates, but let' s face it, with her I'm hosed in about 3 years.
Now I am also willing to self-identify. My husband will tell you that it bugs him that about 50% of the time, when I am washing up dishes, like pots and pans, I am happy to leave them to air dry next to the sink rather than stand there, wasting my time drying with a towel. They are CLEAN dishes after all and they do actually sell freestanding dish drainer stands you can put on your counter for just this purpose. But looking at perfectly clean pots, glistening with moisture, awaiting nature’s evaporating force drives my husband crazy. He also CLAIMS that I leave my shoes around the house too much. I think he’s just jealous that as a woman, I get to wear a much more exciting variety of footwear than he does. Or maybe he’s just cranky because he’s beginning to realize he never sees the same pair of shoes twice and thinks I buy too many shoes which I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT!
The point to all of this, is that no one is perfect. I’m sure even Michelle Obama after a couple of glasses of wine will cop to the fact that Barack squeezes the toothpaste from the middle or occasionally forgets to pull the nation out of a Depression. (That can be SO annoying!)
But the older I get, the more I’ve learned how to deal with my exasperation. Here’s the secret: I have made extra efforts lately to just dry the pots and I put away my shoes. I actually give some credence to my annoying habits and thereby validate my respect for the concerns of the complainer. And I also know when to pick my battles these days. I’ve just eased up a little, and I’m finding the more I do that, the easier it is to get some attention on the big things.
And where has that gotten me? Well, I’m not going to lie to you, there’s still room for improvement. But I’m feeling like I have a better attitude which in turn lowers the stress factor. I’ve also developed a new habit—it involves a glass of wine, a wedge of cheese and a lounge chair at about 5:00 every night. And I think if I follow Steven Covey’s “7 Habits” principles and perform this action 7 days a week…well, I can feel the last remnants of stress evaporating like wet pots on a countertop…
In fairness to the people that I am about to throw under the bus, I think one would be hard pressed to find a person on this planet that did not have one or more annoying habits. But it is the rare gem of a human that will actually listen to the objections being raised (in some cases, multiple times over the course of many years for the same friggin’ infraction) and change his/her behavior in response.
Let’s take my husband, for instance. Early in our marriage, I noticed that he did something unusual and irritating when he brushed his teeth. He would turn on the water, let it run throughout the brushing session (ahhh, the good old days when you could just let the water run), and then at the penultimate moment, just as he was about to spit, he would turn the water off. From the next room, I heard the spitting and then silence. No water rushing in to carry away the used toothpaste, food bits and saliva. At first I said nothing, but eventually, I had to make a comment. And the most incredulous thing about it was he really didn’t get it! He couldn’t look down at the sink loaded with the dried leavings of multiple brushings and understand the gravity of the situation!
Flash forward 20 years. We are still married—I know, you’re wondering how I lived with this monster—and here is the concession that my husband has ONLY RECENTLY has made to my 20-year old teeth-brushing gripe: he brushes, keeps the water running, turns the water off, spits, then BRIEFLY turns the water back on so it rinses away maybe half of his discharge. Now, I ask you, is that logical? JUST LEAVE THE DAMN WATER ON TIL AFTER YOU SPIT!
Here’s another one. We share a dresser in our bedroom. On the occasions that my husband takes out a pair of socks or a t-shirt from one of the drawers, he can’t seem to close the drawer all the way. Like his muscles had just enough energy to slide the drawer in, but ran out of gas ½ inch from paydirt. I half expect to see him collapsed on the bed holding a t-shirt in one had, a pair of gym socks in the other declaring, “Wow—that really knocked the wind out of my sails!” So I mentioned this to him a few months ago. And again at Christmas. And once more last week. Really, is drawer closing too much to ask?
I could go on, but let me trash my children for a minute. Of the three, two are such egregious offenders that their bad habits are too numerous to recount. But they are teenagers, so I am willing to write off these years. I'm pretty sure that when I ask them for the bazillionth time to stop leaving clothes on the floor, to start their homework before midnight, to use a bath towel more than once, that I make the sound effect that comes out of the mouth of any adult who speaks in a Peanuts cartoon. Short of running through the halls of their high school in my bra and undies, the chances of getting them to pay attention to me are pretty slim. My 5th grader still yields to my dictates, but let' s face it, with her I'm hosed in about 3 years.
Now I am also willing to self-identify. My husband will tell you that it bugs him that about 50% of the time, when I am washing up dishes, like pots and pans, I am happy to leave them to air dry next to the sink rather than stand there, wasting my time drying with a towel. They are CLEAN dishes after all and they do actually sell freestanding dish drainer stands you can put on your counter for just this purpose. But looking at perfectly clean pots, glistening with moisture, awaiting nature’s evaporating force drives my husband crazy. He also CLAIMS that I leave my shoes around the house too much. I think he’s just jealous that as a woman, I get to wear a much more exciting variety of footwear than he does. Or maybe he’s just cranky because he’s beginning to realize he never sees the same pair of shoes twice and thinks I buy too many shoes which I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT!
The point to all of this, is that no one is perfect. I’m sure even Michelle Obama after a couple of glasses of wine will cop to the fact that Barack squeezes the toothpaste from the middle or occasionally forgets to pull the nation out of a Depression. (That can be SO annoying!)
But the older I get, the more I’ve learned how to deal with my exasperation. Here’s the secret: I have made extra efforts lately to just dry the pots and I put away my shoes. I actually give some credence to my annoying habits and thereby validate my respect for the concerns of the complainer. And I also know when to pick my battles these days. I’ve just eased up a little, and I’m finding the more I do that, the easier it is to get some attention on the big things.
And where has that gotten me? Well, I’m not going to lie to you, there’s still room for improvement. But I’m feeling like I have a better attitude which in turn lowers the stress factor. I’ve also developed a new habit—it involves a glass of wine, a wedge of cheese and a lounge chair at about 5:00 every night. And I think if I follow Steven Covey’s “7 Habits” principles and perform this action 7 days a week…well, I can feel the last remnants of stress evaporating like wet pots on a countertop…
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